How to Lose #Friends After College

Before answering the question how to lose friends after college, let's ask first why one would want to lose friends in the first place. Not sure for you guys, but I like to keep my close friends and relationships as minimal as possible, because (1) I believe that one can have too many close friends, and (2) I would like to protect my freedom as much as I can - and that involves getting rid of needless commitments, and yes, unnecessary friendships.

On having too many close friends

If you have a lot of close friends whom you'd need to attend all at once (due to same reasons), then you will be forced to prioritize someone or some few people only. You definitely cannot attend to all of them, but how can you even call yourself their close friend if you can't even attend to them when they need you?

On protecting freedom

The more close friends you make, the more commitments you will have to keep, and ultimately the less time/freedom you will get for yourself. Remember that if you want freedom, then always get rid of needless possessions, relationships and commitments. And I say, "give me liberty or give me death."

Now, let's try to answer the question, "how to lose friends after college?"

Adieu. All is Well.

"I will not insult you by trying to tell you that one day you will forget. I know as well as you that you will not. But, at least, in time you will not remember as fiercely as you do now - and I hope that that time will be soon."

I am like you, someone who walked by her side from time to time. From time to time only because she was always out there, seeking the world, and then happily showing it to others, happily showing it to me - I love the world more because of her.

Love.

She didn't always say it, but I know she loved me, and I know she loved all of you too. She used to be a very proud person, but love eroded that. She would apologize for things that aren't even her fault, because she hates letting time pass by with her loved ones mad, disappointed, or sad because of her.

She was kindhearted and inspiring.

She believed that the least she could do when something falls to her feet, is to pick it up. And that she did. She did what she could to help those that she can - whether it's giving food to street children, joining outreach programs, or visiting cancer ward patients.

She stood for what she believed in, and worked hard for it. Whenever I saw her working (so hard), it became almost impossible for me not to root for her.

Happy.

She had her demons, but you could tell that she was genuinely happy, and in awe with life. Her eyes looked at the world like it was her first time to see the clouds. Her face turned to the sun like it has never seen the sun shone. Her smile gets to the heart of people like it has been there before.

She enjoyed her stay here, and lived a life of radical amazement; she'll most likely enjoy wherever she is now too. All is well.

    So long, and I love you.

Anywhere is Good. Whatever is Fine.

It has been a season of change and transformation for me. I am not as in control of things as I was anymore. And it scares me. That same fear is the reason why I felt like running away for a few days - running back to a place and situation I'm familiar with.

I am still in the process of taking "that jump."

My little vacation turned out to be very exhausting, because I seemed to have traveled with the whole Manila crowd, but hey I'm not complaining! HAHA in fact I'd go (anywhere), no matter what, no matter how.

1. Liliw, Laguna

Liliw is a quiet town with a scenic surrounding. The mountain towering in the background, the beautiful people walking to the church, the blue sky watching over us, the icy cold drinking water from the spring - the place can really bring back one's sanity

Up in the sky, you can see forever.

It was my first time to get hosted by an extended family, and it brought back  a lot of childhood memories - I was raised by my grandparents, uncles, and aunties in the province after all. It was crazy! I was asked a gazillion times if I had eaten or not, and consequently was invited a gazillion times to eat more. God forbid I say no! Haha!

2. Majayjay Falls, Laguna

Majayjay falls area changed a lot since I last visited. The hanging bridges are no longer safe to pass by, the rooms have been burnt down to merely foundations, and camping seemed to be the only option of lodging inside the premise. The water falls is as cold as ever though.

Too many people competing for space

3. Laiya, Batangas

Life is beautiful.

The crowd in Majayjay was too overwhelming that my friend and I decided to move to Laiya. We would have climbed Mt. Daguldol since the jump off point is just around the area. Unfortunately, circumstances didn't permit it. We had to settle for the beach, which can be enjoyable if you stay on the farther side, or if you swim to the raft in the middle of the sea and stay there. Nothing to see underwater though.

It was an exhausting and rejuvenating break for me. In the future though, I probably won't head to Batangas, Laguna, and Quezon province during Holy week. It's a battle field.

Shout out to the kind people we've met along the way: (1) our neighbor campers who provided us food, cooking oil, cigarette, water, etc, (2) the barangay personnels who helped us get a ride, (3) the couple who gave us a ride from Batangas to Quezon, and of course (4) the family who hosted us for 3 days!

"You don't have to be special, you just have to be a good person"

Cheers to a good person!
Arlet

Fraternity of Strangers

Every journey I make shapes me into someone better.

That overnight hike to Pico de loro which I almost gave up on - it made me realize how I've been robbing myself of great achievements because of fear. That holy week in Siquijor - it taught me to be present in the moment - to stop glorifying my busyness with work. That solo trip in Tuguegarao- it forced me to be more trusting of the universe and of the people around me. That flight to Taipei - it showed me that understanding and friendship is possible despite differences in language, culture, and race.

All these journeys made a dent in my life, but the last trip I had... its dent was too deep that it snapped me back to reality.

"Is  the water cold?" Nathan asked.

"Freezing." I answered.

He plunged into the water and swam towards Kawasan falls. He came back a few minutes after. 

"Wasn't cold at all" He said.  

"To each his own." I explained.

Nathan agreed, then he introduced himself. He's from Holland; he's taking a few weeks off from work.

"How about you, don't you have work?" He inquired

"I resigned about five months ago, been going around since." I smiled.

We were silent for a few minutes until he continued with, "so what's going on?" - still referring to my resignation and going around status. 

"Quarterlife crisis." I said.

"Tell me about it." He replied.

I just shrugged. Then he ended up telling me about his quarterlife crisis instead. After he shared his story, he looked at me like I owe him my story.

"Quarterlife crisis isn't something that Filipinos normally go through" I gave in.

"What makes you so special then? Why do you experience it?" He said.

The question surprised me for a second. Maybe, it was the phrasing, "what makes you so special then?" The question trapped me. I grasped for words and mumbled unintelligibly until I managed something:

"I have choices - unlike most Filipinos who don't have the means to do so because they need to survive." It seemed like I was telling that to myself rather than to Nathan. 

"Ah, you're just lucky." He concluded.

There it is again! This stranger, describing me in simple, straightforward terms that makes me feel like a spoiled, ungrateful cheeseburger - whatever that means.  We parted ways that night, but his words remained deep in my thoughts all throughout that Cebu trip, and long after it was over.

The next day, I headed to Osmena Peak, the highest elevation in Cebu. There had been a storm warning, but I pushed through. I didn't care about the storm. What I cared about were my plans. It turned out to be a risky hike because of the strong wind, and muddy trail.

I made it on top. However there was nothing to see because of the storm, just the thick white fog.
I sat for a moment and chuckled.

"I'm such a fool. What in the world am I doing with my life? All I think of are my schedule, my plans, my enjoyment, myself." I let out a laugh and remembered a heated conversation with my boss before I resigned:

"You are making a big mistake, Arlet." He pointed.

"I'm willing to make this mistake right now, while I can still afford to." I declared.

Then I set off to various provinces, and there I was, sitting on a rock of Osmena Peak.
Days passed and my flight to Manila was fast approaching.

"We're going back to reality tomorrow. I'll get my nurse license and start applying for jobs. How about you?" My companion pressed.

 We both resigned months ago to live the life that we wanted. 

I  sighed, "I don't want to go back yet. I'd like to stay a bit longer. I still have some savings left."

"Stop running away from reality." She said in a scolding but compassionate tone.
"Fine." I retorted and walked towards Moalboal beach. 

To ease my mind, I ended up picking trashes around the beach. An old man saw me and told me that I was very nice. He said he disliked the area because it's barren and dead. He said he's here for vacation.

His name is Jim, a businessman from Ireland. He narrated how big the taxes are in Ireland, and then said that it is okay because their healthcare is good. He mentioned that there are lots of Filipino nurses there. He talked about his life and travels in Asia.

I asked him if travelers are running away from reality.

"Are you running away from reality?" Jim asked, with a look of concern in his face.

"HAHAHA, perhaps." I laughed, quite amused that he shot back my question.

 "But why does reality have to be so repulsive then?" I went on.

He smiled at me like an old grandfather and started his sermon:

"If you  run away from your problems, you will be running away forever.  You are an intelligent, kind, beautiful girl; you'll figure it out."

We stood up and continued picking trashes.

That trip in Cebu did not solve my "quarterlife crisis," but through the people I've encountered, that trip compelled  me to stop making excuses and start owning responsibilities. After all, the pieces of advice I got were from people who did not feel the need to protect my ego - people who did not sugarcoat the things I needed to hear (cough cough, Nathan! haha)

Perhaps, the "don't talk to strangers' advice should be thrown out of the window once you start traveling. You might be pleasantly surprised to know that the backpacker on the top bunk is actually your lifelong friend you just haven't made yet.

Needless to say, I still did not want to go back, but at least I did not dread it as much.

I am, after all, a "lucky, intelligent, kind, beautiful" girl. HAHAHA!

See you around!
Arlet

Tabi Tabi Po (Dwarfs in the Philippines)

Philippine dwarfs or duwende

Unlike the European dwarfs who wear pointed shoes and bonnet, the Philippine dwarfs (duwende in local language) wear basket hats or helmets made from the shell of dried white squash.They are barefoot with toes far apart, because they have never worn shoes.

The most popular variation of duwende would be the (ni)nuno sa punso or matanda sa punso (grandfather of the termite mound.) They are said to magically enter the underground world through the termite mound, hence the name. This is why termite mounds are feared throughout the country.

Cultural implications of Philippine dwarfs

It is said that it is only safe to walk close by or demolish a termite mound if it is already covered with weeds or dried leaves, because that means that the dwarf has left the mound already. Otherwise, one should be very careful in walking close by the mound as a dwarf may be resting nearby and it can inflict sort of aches to anyone who disturbs it. Additionally, one can say tabi tabi po (please excuse me) or kayo kayo, nuno (away away, grandfather) when passing by as a sign of courtesy to the dwarf.

Since nuno are believed to have poor eyesight, but sharp auditory sense, they tend to seduce girls with pretty names and sweet voices instead. He takes them into his underground realm, makes them grow, and marries them. Hence, the early Filipino preference for plain nicknames such as Nena, Inday, Kule, etc.

Girls preparing supper are also warned to avoid singing lest she will marry an old man. Such groom is not human, but a dwarf. It is not called a dwarf for fear that identifying a certain creature is just bringing them closer.

Other superstitious acts such as not sweeping the floor at night, and not throwing rubbish outside the window are largely due to the belief that dwarfs are prying in the house or the yard at this time, and that the humans should be careful in not accidentally displeasing the said visitor. Additionally, the abundance of aromatic herbs and citrus plants grown around homes are also believed to drive the dwarfs away.

Variations of Philippine dwarfs

The Sagay dwarf, mentioned in Surigao folklore, lives in gold mines just like the European dwarfs, gold being plentiful in the area.

Caranget (lice of the ground) dwarf, popular in Cagayan valley, are believed to be the true owners of the land. A farmer tills the land only as a tenant, and has to pay rent through offerings. This explains the wide practice of leaving offerings before plowing the land and after harvesting the crops.

Another unique Philippine dwarf is the tiyanak. It is the spirit of a child whose mother has died while pregnant, leaving the baby to be born underground.  It has been described as a plump naked newborn baby laying on a banana leaf, who then transforms into a little old man with wrinkled face and skin. There are other variations of tiyanak that associates it with vampires rather than dwarfs. Currently, I don't know which account is more plausible.

Insights

I wonder how the marriage tradition started, because the dwarfs seduce girls and marry them. Why would the dwarfs bother on marrying them? Can't they just live in together? They have essentially abducted and seduced the girls anyway.

Do you know of other variations of the Philippine dwarfs? If you do, please let me know! Also, which do you think is better dwarfs or dwarves?

Cheers!
Arlet

Reference
Ramos, M.D. (1990). Philippine Demonological Legends and Their Cultural Bearings, Phoenix Publication, 41-46

The Most Romantic I Could Get

Aling pagibig pa ang hihigit kaya (What love can be)
Sa pagkadalisay at pagkadakila (Purer and greater)
Gaya ng pagibig sa tinubuang lupa (Than love of country)
Aling pagibig pa, wala na nga, wala. (What love? No other love, none.)

This is what I found myself reading while waiting for my friend to buy a ticket during the UP fair 2014. It is Valentine's day, and this is the most romantic verse that I could spout of. I could also spout of Romeo's love for Juliet, or that of Maria Clara's for Ibarra, but I chose Andres's for Pilipinas. Why, I don't know. This is probably the most romantic I could get, I thought.

Maybe I'm just not built for this kind of thing.

The morning after, my friend is sick. We signed up to be volunteer teachers for Mano Amiga Pilipinas. Gosh, she can't be sick now, she's supposed  to prepare the food for the kids. I ponder over waking my friend and making her prepare the food or just doing it myself. I heard heavy breathing, and a bit of throat clearing from my friend.

Fine. I guess I should do this. I mean, I prepare delightful sandwiches for myself, right? HAHAHAHA I didn't spend my time watching Eat St. Food Network for nothing, I thought.

And so I made the sandwiches.

It proved to be a big mistake. The first batch of sandwiches was a disaster. Our oven toaster's timer and heat control was busted, so I had to use the stove. Our gas tank was empty so I had to use the electric stove - which took forever to light up. And the grilling pan that I used had metal handle - I didn't use any pot holder so I ended up getting grounded.

We can't go to the site empty handed, I thought. What should I do?

I ended up just preparing the cheese, tuna, mayonnaise, and cleaning up the table and the sink instead. I was so glad my friend woke up just in time to continue and finish the food preparation.

Perhaps, trying to make sandwiches (or any kind of food for others) is the most romantic I could get, but I (and everyone else) would really be better off if I never try to be romantic again. HAHAHAHA

From one of the kids of Mano Amiga Pilipinas

 
Happy Valentine's!
Arlet

PS

Try volunteering for Mano Amiga next time! You might be pleasantly surprised to see yourself in the kids or in the other volunteers. And maybe I'll see you around!

I find all kids bright. Adulthood and society just tend to dull them down.

A Mortal Ascends to the Skyworld (The Story of Aponibolinayen)

Tell me a good story, and I'll do a favor for you.

I am such a sucker for stories. In fact "searching for a good story" is one of the excuses I tell myself whenever I'm spending a ridiculous amount of time online or with people I don't particularly relate to. Hence I created a new page on this blog called Tales from the Philippines which will be about Philippine culture in the field of myths, legends, folktales, and sometimes history.

Since it is almost Valentines day, the first story will be that of love between Aponibolinayen and Init Init. This story originated from the Tinguian tribe of Abra in Northern Luzon, Philippines. If you can understand Filipino or Tagalog and is  not in the mood to read the story, just watch the video below: 

A Mortal Ascends to the Skyworld

Jocano, F.L. (1971). Myths and Legends of the Early Filipinos, Alemar-Phoenix Publication, 42-46

1. Aponibolinayen Got Carried Away

One day, Aponibolinayen, and her sister-in-law Dinay, went by the river to gather sisiklat leaves. But the sisiklat leaves were too tough to break so Aponibolinayen asked Dinay to help her. However, the sisiklat leaves immediately wreathed her and carried her to the sky.

2. Init-init the sun god

Up in the sky, Aponibolinayen saw a hut near the riverbanks. She went inside and made herself at home. Soon after eating she fell asleep. It was dusk when the owner of the house, Init-init the sun god, arrived and found the sleeping Aponibolinayen. 

(In the book, Aponibolinayen was described as a very beautiful woman having white skin, rosy cheeks, heart-shaped face, long black hair, and young and tender lips.)

Initially, Init init thought of waking her up, but later changed his mind and prepared dinner instead. Meanwhile, Aponibolinayen woke up and left.

3. Finally They Meet

Every morning, Init-init would go away to do his job, then return to his hut after the sun sets. During his absence, Aponibolinayen would go to his hut and prepare food for her and Init-init. This went on for days without them meeting each other. 

One afternoon, Init init sent a star to spy on Aponibolinayen. The star reported to him that the Tinguian beauty was still in his hut. Init init hurried back home and found Aponibolinayen in the kitchen.

4. THE Talk (directly lifted from the book, p 44)

"You can kill me if you are an enemy," she said.

"Could I ever kill a beautiful woman like you?" replied Init-init sitting down beside her

He took out his betel nut box and invited the maiden to chew betel nut with him. It was a custom to offer betel nut to a maiden before asking her name. Aponibolinayen at first refused. However, after some entreaty, she accepted the offer. 

"I'm known as  Init-init," began the sun lord. It is I who lead the sun across the sky. 

"I'm Aponibolinayen," replied the maiden. "I'm the daughter of Pagbokasan of Kaudamon and sister of Owig."

"I'm lonely," continued the sun lord; "will you marry me?"

(Well, that escalated quickly, no? HAHAHA)

After remonstrating, as is the custom of women, she consented to be his wife.

(Well, that certainly escalated quickly. HAHAHA)

5. Init-init Got Served!