Life is not meant to be crammed

I. Doing nothing is very hard to do; you don't know when you're finished.

Long before I graduated, I had already decided that I will take some time off after finishing college. Like most of the youths out there, I needed the time to find myself and recharge my soul. HAHAHA yes, it is so cliche, but that was necessary for me to keep moving forward. I have this constant need to pause (or even step back) once in a while, so I can detach myself from the issues at hand, and hopefully think clearly. I usually do this when I'm sorting out my priorities.

And now, the recharging-and-finding-myself period is over.

It turns out that I was not really lost, but I just needed a rest. I needed to goof around, to oversleep and wake up as the day ends, to watch movies, to draw what I wanted to draw, to learn something new-no matter how mundane, to have a trip with people I don't know, to attend a concert, to volunteer, to drink out of celebration, to spend time with my family, to finally meet with my old friends, to attend anime conventions, to visit museums and bazaars, to read books and articles just because I want to, to have a favorite movie, to spend time with my sister, to swim for fun, and to stop when I'm satisfied.

And those things I did, just like old times.

Perhaps I'm lucky because I can easily afford to not work right away, and I'm grateful for that. So here goes my next mission, to look for a job-starting in 3,2,..

I guess every idealistic fresh grad is seeking for this.

I am well aware that it will not come easy, that it may even take me months before I fulfill this, or I may misunderstand my options and go for something I would not like in the future. I may, I may not, but I'll have to start somewhere.

Hi mama, please stop reading now. You've read what you wanted to read :))

II. Anyway, here goes a wrap up of my three-month vacation!

1. I still don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I guess planning your whole life cannot be done in 3 months, but what I do know is that I don't want to be stagnant. I want to keep growing.

2. The crammer in me is hard to kill. In fact, I had to cram even my vacation period. But life is not meant to be crammed.

3. When I was younger, I used to draw to make peace with my thoughts. It doesn't work that way anymore. Drawing has been replaced by writing, so I blog (a lot unpublished) and keep a mini anything-goes-diary instead.

4. I am relearning things from grade school. Back then, I never really tried to study. I just get by, but because of this vacation, I was able to read some things that I now find interesting. This includes history, it's like a novel. Too bad, I know little of it yet. I wish history teachers would be more like storytellers than date-is-most-important-thing.

5. I like to collect memories and experiences, but that doesn't mean I'll sell my collections just like that. I learned this because I initially thought that if I can manage to sell all my Questor magazines, and otakuzines, then it means that I can let go, which for me is a good thing. However, I ended up not selling these due to the fact that I still enjoy keeping these. I read these magazines once in a while after all.

6. I'm scared of watching horror movies because whenever I'm watching/reading anything, I keep my guard down completely, AND there are certain things which cannot be unseen. To be honest, I think that drawing is not a skill of the hand, it relies on your vision. I look at a blank paper and think of what I want to draw, and see it in the paper, so all I have to do is just trace it. It's the same with scary visuals. It sticks in my mind, and during bedtime, I usually see it in my walls or in my dreams, and that's what's scary. The human mind is scary (but also amazing).

7. Before, I wanted to make the world a better place, but I now I think that there's nothing wrong with the world. Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that the problems of the world is not in my department anymore. No, I'm not getting apathetic, but I'm trying to face problems in small dosage until I can move to the next level. For now, as a fresh graduate, I'll have to gain my balance first, before I can fight a tough battle. It's like learning how to crawl before you can stand, or something like that.

8. I can only learn so much by reading. I can't learn to ride a bike by reading. I have to get my butt out there. But there are things you can learn by just watching youtube! Example is upper lip threading. BTW, I also tried leg waxing using veet wax strips, it actually works! HAHAHAHA #hairygirlissues


P.S.
Here's my take on employment when I was still an undergrad: http://definingx.wordpress.com/2011/10/12/depressing-and-disturbing-el-empleo/