Solitary retreat to Mt Pinatubo

Because at that moment, I felt invincible,

And happy. 

And so, I will do it again,

And again,

And again.

The darkness of my shadow seem to fit the whiteness of lahar

The past 2 months of being a full time earner have made me question my integrity as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, and as a person. I felt that days were wasted into tasks that doesn't count in my aspirations. Lately, I always catch myself planning things that doesn't involve anyone - not my family, nor my friends, nor the society;  I always catch myself thinking of retreating from everyone and everything.

Lately, I always catch myself thinking of nothing but myself.

And it's scaring me- that I've got all these wonderful people around me, and yet I am always more inclined to leave them at shore; sail my own boat. Sometimes it worries me that they won't let me rest in their shores anymore, or that they see me as an ungrateful, selfish person who leaves and goes back without notice. It worries me, but right now, I'm just thankful that the opposite always happens. They always welcome me, listen to my stories, and laugh with me. 

For that alone, I have the courage to leave, and feel secure that I have my sanctuaries to go back to - no matter what.

Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't notice that my tone has been draggy for the past few paragraphs. Anyway, I just felt the need to leave Manila on my own, since If I can't live on my own yet, then I will leave on my own! Forgive the pun, hihi. (because sometimes you can only run away, and go back when you're ready.)

Thus, last November 11, I joined a tour to Mt. Pinatubo via Travel and Save Tours. At first, I was scared because I felt ridiculous traveling on my own, but whatever, I do more ridiculous stuff than this so WTH. Nonetheless, I was very lucky to be grouped with such nice people:

They were all very nice and accommodating. I couldn't ask for better companions. I hope I meet them again someday. This is what's nice with travelling alone, you become more aware of people, you notice them, and talk with them, and hopefully become friends with them. Travelling with nothing gives you room to gain something. 

BTW, it's my first time to ride a 4x4 vehicle so I felt the need to stand up the entire 1 hour, "bumpy" trip. I swear I'd fall off the 4x4 if my grip was just a little bit lighter. It was awesome! There's no road to Pinatubo, only lahar. 

Look, the toblerone mountains!

The trek was easy. It's so liberating, strengthening, and amazing - to have nothing but lahar, mountain, and sky within your vision. It also helped that the place is completely devoid of network signal. There was a part during the trek wherein I felt like shouting random, nonsense sounds - so I did. It felt really, really, really good!

The crater, OMG the crater! HAHAHA - sorry, I become incoherent when I'm excited

Overall, I'd recommend the Mt. Pinatubo trek to anyone who can. Don't rush to reach the destination, learn to stop and let yourself be overwhelmed by awe and amazement. Do it for yourself. 

P.S.

Starting now, I'll try solo backpacking once in a while, so kindly invite me if you know of any good trip/tours around. I'll definitely go as long as I have the resources.

P.P.S.
Some photos courtesy of the following: Gwen Reyes, Marcia Sumageysey, Cyrisse Que, Cheril Samillano, Evita Daquioag, or Maytell Aquilona.